I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!

Today, during my lunch break I decided to go to Target. Oh, Target. The love of my life (besides TiVo). I was going for a very specific purpose and that was a) to buy a Christmas present for my sister, b) to buy deodorant, c) to look at the shoes and talk myself out of buying at least three pairs, and d) to waste time. The wasting time part was the most important, obviously. I was going to just stay at work during my lunch break, but the thought of both arriving at work and leaving work in the dark was far too depressing. I thought I'd use my break to absorb as much sunlight as possible. Which turned out to be, you know, NONE since it was pissing rain all day long. Pissing rain. Is there any combination of words in the English language more beautiful? No? I agree.

Anyway, since I was at Target I thought I might as well look around. I had time to kill. See above: time wasting. I ended up going down the Christmas-crap aisles to see if they had any generic Christmas gifts I could buy for people I don't really like but have to buy gifts for anyway. And then I passed the Christmas cards and even though I'd already told myself I wasn't sending Christmas cards this year because they always end up sitting in a neat little bestamped pile on my desk until like . . . Christmas Eve Eve when I finally get around to dropping them in the mail (my god, I've forgotten where this sentence even started), I bought some cards anyway. Because, you see, I'd forgotten that they have FUNNY Christmas cards. That is, if you think scatological humor is funny. Which I do. See: rest of blog.

So now I have Christmas cards! Yay! I thought I'd better send some so I don't feel like a Grade A Jackass when I get them from people and I didn't send them anything. Oh, and I also saw this somewhere on the Internets, where someone was going to send Christmas cards to whoever e-mailed them with their address, so I'm totally stealing their idea. I'd credit them, but I can't remember where I saw it and also I'm too tired (read: lazy) to look. So, if you want a Christmas card and also enjoy scatological humor then e-mail me and I'll see what I can do.

I just hope you're OK with not getting a card until January.

Of 2008.