Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Agent Mulder, FBI . . . oops, wrong show

Things I've learned from watching Alias:
  • Don't mess with Spy Daddy Bristow.
  • Missions will always go wrong. Just deal with it. And try not to get killed. And if it looks like you get killed, try to come back at a crucial moment.
  • If someone is hot and they have an accent, they are probably a bad guy.
  • If you're a double agent working for both the CIA and an agency posing as the CIA and you fall in love with your real-CIA handler and then you go missing for two years and when you come back your CIA-handler-boyfriend has married some blonde with a really bad accent, don't worry because she'll turn out to be evil.
  • Don't trust your friends because they might be clones sent to spy on you.
  • People who are presumed dead will always come back.
  • There is nothing that a hot outfit and a good wig won't fix.
  • Never trust Uncle Arvin . . . or your mother . . . or your father . . . or your sister . . . or anyone, basically.
  • Rambaldi is a douchebag.
  • If Quentin Tarantino shows up, all bets are off.
  • Vaughn = hotness, evil wife or not.
  • You can have the beating of a lifetime, fall down a deep pit, get shot, get stabbed, get drugged, get cancer, disappear for two years, actually die, and still live.
  • You can still kick ass in a mini and heels.
  • FBI . . . CIA . . . SD-6 . . . all nothing without some awesome gadgets from Marshall.
  • There is no such thing as jet lag.
  • Dorky/chubby agents are way more fun than the regular/serious characters.
  • You can work for the CIA as a double agent for another intelligence agency and still have time to complete graduate school.
  • Don't trust anyone from Russia. Or England. Or Germany. Or France. Or anywhere, OK?
  • Watching too many episodes of Alias in a row makes you think you are being watched. Or that you could be a spy. You couldn't, though. Trust me.
  • Don't watch Alias while drinking, because you'll just have to watch it again tomorrow.
  • Here's what is going on: Sidney was a double agent. In Season One she worked for SD-6 and the CIA. She took down SD-6 in the second half of Season Two and some other stuff happened in the first half, but I haven't seen it yet. She disappeared for two years, came back in Season Three, was sad because Vaughn married Moronen, blah, blah, I don't know. But her mom is a spy and her dad completely orchestrated her entire life. I think. This is more confusing than The X-Files, and that's saying something.

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