I feel bad writing about anything trivial right now. My grandpa is in the hospital, he has been since Monday. I haven't been able to visit because I've been sick and have had class, but my mom says he doesn't really recognize anyone anyway. They think he had a stroke. They're fairly certain, but I don't think they know for sure. My parents went to visit him again tonight and now he won't even wake up for anyone.
It doesn't look good. I feel guilty for being pessimistic, especially when I haven't seen him for myself. About a year ago he was in the hospital, I can't remember why now, for what we all thought was going to be the last time and he pulled through it. I think it's worse this time.
What is it that makes us feel guilty for thinking of our own trivial stuff when someone we love is sick or in pain? It's not like worrying or crying is going to accomplish anything. You can't think about one thing 24 hours a day. You can't hit pause on other things in your life to focus on just one aspect.
Still, I've been kicking myself all day whenever I think about something stupid, like how I hate Carter's beard or what I'm going to write my novel about or why this weird number keeps calling my cell phone.
I'm sure I'll be back to myself tomorrow. I think I just need to wallow for a bit. More posts on reality TV and my fish who hates me coming soon.
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