Yesterday was shaping up to be one of those beautifully unproductive Saturdays, but it was not to be. Le sigh. Sure, when I finally rolled out of bed, it was practically afternoon and I spent the majority of the early afternoon dicking around on the Internets, but then I realized Heidi was already dressed and was bopping in and out of the apartment for a variety of things because she was actually attempting to accomplish something (installing satellite radio in her car) on a frigid Saturday instead of sitting around in her pajamas, which is what I was doing and it's sort of like this sentence might never end, isn't it? Oh, well, there it just did. YOU'RE WELCOME. Can I have a sidebar for a moment? It was sort of freezing yesterday. Not as cold as it was earlier this week, mind you, but still cold enough that when I stood outside, watching Heidi work on her car, I had to jump around lest my legs should go numb from the cold, cold air. Sure, I could have gone inside and put on something other than pajama pants, but that would have meant taking off my shoes and it's so much work to put them on. You have to tie them and everything. Anyway, so it was wicked cold yesterday and it's 52 right now and tomorrow it is supposed to be 67 degrees. That is PRACTICALLY 70 and I'm pretty sure this is Ohio and I'm pretty sure this is January and so I'm pretty sure something is not adding up.
Anyway, so Heidi was outside hooking her satellite shit up and eventually I wandered out to have a little looksie (this is a lie, mostly I really needed her to make a decision for me POST HASTE) and saw she was struggling with one of the steps. She had to like, pry up the rubber (heh) on the rim of the back windshield and shove the antennae wire under it. Well, as you may have already guessed, we do not have the tools necessary to participate in this sort of endeavor. The little picture in her instruction booklet showed someone using what looked like one of those torturous metal poking devices dental hygienists use to scrape plaque off of your teeth. I am not friends with any dentists, HOWEVER, I knew that my dad just happened to own several of these tools. I don't know why. He's not a dentist. We don't ask questions, OK? So, I called my dad:
Me: Hey, Dad.
Me: Can I come over and borrow your dental tools?
Dad: Sure. What for?
Me: Heidi's trying to pry off the rubber part around her back windshield? And we don't have anything that will fit.
Dad: . . . why is she doing that?
Me: Oh, she got satellite radio for Christmas and she's trying to install it.
Dad: By herself?!
Once I explained that JUST BECAUSE we cannot hook up a dryer without practically setting the apartment on fire, and sure, we also have trouble with oven knobs, it DOES NOT mean we are completely useless, we went to go get the plaque scraper/rubber lifter. Hahahahahaha. Oh man.
Sister: What are you doing here?
Me: We're here to borrow Dad's dental tools.
Me: Well, I can't afford to go to the dentist, so Heidi's gonna clean my teeth for me.
And I'll have you know that once we got that thing, Heidi had absolutely no trouble shoving the antennae under the rubber and installing the rest of her radio stuff. I even helped, by standing around complaining about the cold and making inappropriate comments about rubbers and shoving things in holes. So, see? We're not completely useless. It's just me.