You know, your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.

So you may have noticed that things look a little different around here. Or maybe you didn't notice. It's OK if you didn't. My feelings won't be hurt. MUCH. Anyway, I decided to renovate. Partly because it's a new year! And a new year calls for new . . . other stuff, as well! But mostly I did it because I was bored. Don't get too used to this. I don't want you to get attached and then when I change it again in two days, you get all sad and cry and email me and say, "Jennie, woe is me! I am oh so sad and do not appreciate all the changes for CHANGE IS BAD." Well. I don't like change either but it's time we both learned to live with it, OK? I'm doing this for your own good.

I love the beginning of a new year, because I set all these goals (I'm not calling them resolutions) for myself that I know will remain unfulfilled, but whatever. Like, for instance, I signed up to do this thing where I blog every day for the entire year. Which . . . is crazy and I'll probably forget about by mid-February BUT WHO CARES. Here are the rest of my goals, because there's nothing better than putting them all in writing so in a year's time I can come back and see how much of a failure I am. That's soul-crushing, is what that is.

OK, so I don't really have any goals yet. I mean, nothing new. I need to work on the whole saving money thing. That is A TALE AS OLD AS TIME. I almost wrote "thyme" instead of "time" there. I'm not sure why. How old is thyme? Maybe thyme is even older than time. You don't know. Or maybe you do.

Um, anyway, saving money. Somehow, I've managed to squirrel away more money than usual the past couple of months, even with Christmas all up in my business, yelling at me to SPEND MONEY NOW, BITCH. Coincidentally, I haven't had any weddings the past couple months. You do the math. Along with the whole saving money thing, I've decided to see how long I can go without eating fast food. If you knew how often Heidi and I go to Penn Station (they know our names there), you would see just how great an endeavor this really is. The no fast food is a double whammy because NOT ONLY will I be saving money, but my ass will not continue its current journey to become bigger than Texas.

And, of course, my most important goals are to NOT get married OR pregnant this year. This sounds easy, but Heidi thinks she's Miss Cleo and has predicted that I'm going to get married this year. That gave me nightmares. For real. I had this dream that I got married and had a baby and for some reason took the baby to the bar we used to go to in college and I think at one point I might have given the baby to the bartender so I could play darts. If you knew how bad I am at darts, you'd realize just how responsible that decision was.