Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn, as thirty dialogues bleed into one

Hi. I'm back. I wish I could say I missed you, but I totally didn't. OK, that's a lie. I'm just cranky on account of my head feels like it might fall off. I'm trying not to make any sudden movements, because when I do, that's when the pounding starts and I start thinking about how much champagne I drank last night and then I get really dizzy and have to lie down.

So 2007 is over. Good fucking riddance. The last month dragged on and on. And on some more. Lots of stuff happened. For instance, on Christmas Eve, a bat got loose in our office building. A BAT. It hung out under the Christmas tree for a while, flew through the hallways, and then the mail guy shot it with rubber bands until it either died or flew outside. I'm fuzzy on the details since I hid at my desk until it was gone. I didn't want to take a chance that I might turn into a vampire. Also, bats scare me because once when I was a tiny child, I was sleeping over at my aunt's house and a bat got in and FLEW AT ME AND TRIED TO EAT MY FACE. No one believes that this happened BUT IT DID. Anyway, I work in a really old building and apparently bats live in the chimney. Like, lots of bats. Thousands. THOUSANDS. OF. BATS. THAT. MIGHT. BITE. ME. I may have to find another job.

Also! Heidi and I found out that, for the entire time we've been living here (almost 2 years), we've been almost setting our apartment on fire every time we did a load of laundry. APPARENTLY, you shouldn't try to do your own electrical work when you have no idea what the hell you're doing. There are scorch marks on the back of our dryer to prove it. Then last week I almost set the carpet in my room on fire with a candle. I think the moral of this story is, we should get rid of all lighters and matches before we burn down the whole world.

So, Internets, I am sitting here waiting for my head to stop hating on me so I can get in the shower. I suppose I don't HAVE to shower. I'm just going to my mom and dad's tonight for pork and sauerkraut (BAAAAAARF!!) and they've seen me look worse than this. But, I mean, the house is already going to smell like boiled vomit because of the sauerkraut, so I'm going to shower so I don't add to the smell.