Wednesday, January 16, 2008

boys have a penis, girls have a vagiiiiiina

Heidi once told me that she doesn't understand how I can go on and on about wanting to dropkick small children and yet I volunteer with children, both large and small. But the thing is, I feel the same way about children as I do about people. Some would say children ARE people. I, however, remain unconvinced. I think people in general are assholes, YET there are individuals that I love, love, love with all my heart and I would willingly give them all of my internal organs, you know, if I didn't need those to live and everything. Same goes for children. As a whole, they are messy and they fart a lot and they are loud. Oh, are they ever loud. But children on an individual basis? These I can handle. Once I know their names, they are as precious to me as . . . I don't know, something really precious.

I mean, what ELSE but precious could I consider a 5-year-old girl, one who had been clinging to me ever since her grandmother dropped her off, who says things like this:

"Sometimes? My brother kicks me in the nut."

Now. We are supposed to repeat a lot of what the kids say, because it shows them that we're listening, and as I said, "Oh? He kicks you in the nut?" and she nodded and said, "IN THE NUT," and I repeated, "Oh, he kicks you in THE NUT," I began to wonder if last night would finally be the night they'd ask me to leave and never, ever return.


Today on The Collective, F. Scott Fitzgerald makes Kat swoon so hard she'll NEVER. FULLY. RECOVER.


  1. Last night I was kind of shouting at the kids on my little league team in the huddle, and one of my girls interrupted to say, "Coach Heather, you always smell so nice." Some kids are alright.

  2. They get better once they're not babies anymore.

  3. I guess that's why we should try not to punch those babies. I mean, at least TRY.

  4. I try but sometimes I just want to punch them so hard.

  5. Seriously, why is it not Thursday yet? After reading the week's worth of book reviews, I'm really extremely curious as to what book/author you plan to cover. Sorry, this is totally a Collective comment, but meant for you.

  6. I'm so glad I don't go until Thursday. It gives me all week to procrastinate. Or, like half the week. Whatever.

  7. F. Scott Fitzgerald makes Kat swoon so hard she'll NEVER. FULLY. RECOVER.


  8. agreed, after teaching hebrew to second graders on Sundays (who by the way DON'T pee in their pants - go figure?) I must admit I have been educated. One of our congregants died so I had them write sympathy cards to the widower. They said:
    "sorry your wife is dead."
    "Sorry you lost your wife. I am in your thoughts."
    "Losing someone is hard. I lost a family member and it was hard for me too. Hang in there, you'll be fine. Sorry. Abbie"
    As you can see "sorry about your luck" was a common theme, but the cards really were sincere and resembled jewish gay pride flags. again. Kids are amazing!

  9. Oh my god, I lost it when I read, "sorry your wife is dead." Just . . . I know it's not REALLY funny, but COME ON.

  10. my favorite part was "I am in your thoughts" I showed the cards to jeremy and he bust out laughing!