are you there, god? it's me, jennie

I changed the template for this site again, and I'm not sure if I like it yet. Honestly? I don't really care at the moment because I'm tired of messing with it.

Is anyone else intrigued by the new Seasonale commercials on TV? Apparently it's a new birth control pill that allows you to only have four periods a year. And while male readers are thinking, "who gives a shit?" the women are probably cheering and jumping up and down in their chairs.

DISCLAIMER: Anyone with a penis may want to stop reading now. And, although you may think this is a ploy and I'm going to start spilling some super-secret-woman-thoughts . . . I'm not. I'm just going to be talking about girlie things that you probably don't want to read about if you want to spend the remainder of your life free of nightmares about tampons. It's for your own protection. Really.

Because four periods a year means there would be eight months (eight!) free from bloating, mind-numbing cramps, making sure you're wearing dark pants so there are no "accidents", psychotic cravings (at least period-induced cravings), boob pain, and all those other general feelings of ickiness that accompany That Time of the Month.

Finally medicine has come through for women. Who among us has never curled up on the floor, hands on their stomachs, crying and shrieking, "Ow! My uterus!"

Earlier I decided to run through a fast food place for dinner. I was having trouble decided where, though, because I was having cravings for both McDonald's fries and a Whopper. And the sad truth is, I seriously thought about going through both Burger King and McDonald's drive-thrus.

But I didn't.

Just the word "period" is somewhat cringe-worthy and I'm not sure why. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to call menstruation (which, by the way, isn't any better) a "period?"

First of all, it can be confusing. When I was in 2nd grade, I read Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret. Don't ask me how I got ahold of this book, because it's not really something a second grader should be reading. I remember getting about halfway through it and thinking, "Why are these girls talking so much about a period?" because, to my second-grade mind, a period was just something you put at the end of a sentence.

I went to my mom and asked her. After laughing, she took me aside and gave me The Talk. Well, more like the outline of The Talk. I'm sure she left out the more graphic stuff, which was OK because everyone knows you learn that stuff on the playground.

Maybe it's a good thing I'd read it, though, so that by the time 6th grade rolled around and I got my period I didn't think I was dying or anything. My mom told me when she got hers she ran to her mother, crying hysterically because she thought she was hemorrhaging.

I thought about trying Seasonale, but I don't know. It's so new, I think I'd rather wait and let a bunch of other people be the guinea pigs.

I still think it'd just be easier to freeze a bunch of my eggs and get my tubes tied.