Wednesday, June 23, 2004

i've discovered my dream job

I think I want to become a soap opera writer. I was just watching Days of Our Lives (don't you judge me) and the storyline had to be written by someone on drugs. So, the "Salem Stalker" killed a whole bunch of the characters and everyone was all boo-hoo-my-loved-ones-are-dead-and-or-dying. Then they found out Marlena was the killer. Then she died somehow. I'm fuzzy on the details because today was the first time I watched it since I was at Witt. But, basically, now all the dead people are on this island that looks exactly like Salem. Which is pretty ingenious of the writers because all the prop department has to do is plop down some palm trees and throw some sand around the existing set. Anyway, all the "dead" people are trying to figure out what the hell is going on and meanwhile everyone in Salem who thinks all those people are still dead are at some ho-down or something.

Awesome. I'm thinking that working on a soap opera would be so much easier than writing for a real TV show, because you don't have to worry about character development, plot inconsistencies, or foreshadowing. You want someone to come back from the dead, even though they've been buried alive for the past two weeks and they only had like 20 minutes worth of air left? Cool! Go for it! I love it, you can make any random shit up and it won't matter. Viewers can get angry, but eventually they'll realize they're watching a soap opera and it's supposed to be crappy and nonsensical. Why else would you watch it?

Don't think I'm kidding, either. I'm serious. One day I WILL write for Days of Your Mom, or General Life to Live, or, if I'm extremely lucky, Passions.

This isn't like that time in high school when we had to write about our career goals, and I told my English teacher that my dream was to write the summaries on book jacket covers and she gave me a D for not taking the assignment seriously.

This time I mean it.

Reading: New York Times, online.
Watching: Passions. Mi'ha! Telesa!
Wondering: If all the cold/cough medicine is affecting my brain in a not-good way.

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